This isn’t a post about New Year’s resolutions

It’s late. The house is quiet, because everyone has gone to bed, except for me. And I have this soul searching to do, so I may as well do it here, right?

Except, that’s been the thing, really. I haven’t been doing my soul searching here. And that leads me to ask: why do I have this blog?

Really, it’s a bigger question than that. I have this creative itch, and I’m not sure how to scratch it or what I’m looking for. Or, maybe what I’m really saying is: I’m not sure who my audience is anymore.

For all that I like my solitude, I find that my creative outlets require other people. Game design, DJing, even writing–I need someone to be on the other side, interacting with what I’m making.

But I’m not sure who that is anymore. And that makes it hard for me to create.

On top of that, to be honest, I haven’t felt safe on the Internet in a long time. But, really, that’s just a function of not knowing who my audience is. Or, maybe better, it’s a function of not knowing who my community is. Or, even better, the overlapping of my communities.

From the beginning, I’ve insisted on an integrated Internet existence. I could be the nodal point where the various disparate communities of which I partake could meet and interact. Yeah, maybe you didn’t know each other, but you knew me, and so that could be enough, right?

But there’s been so much turnover in my communities, and strife and fear have resulted. As such, I’ve withdrawn, hiding in my shell where I couldn’t be hurt. At least, so ran the theory. But it hasn’t really helped. Instead, I’ve just become silent in the world.

And I don’t want to be silent anymore

Earlier today on Twitter, I wrote that I was giving thought to pursuing creativity again. To having a plan. Well, maybe the first step is simply to identify my audiences. Who am I trying to connect with? Who am I hoping will be listening? I have some ideas on this, but I’d love to hear from any of you, too.

So here’s where I’m going to get really needy. For all of you reading this, why are you here? What are you hoping to get out of reading what I write? Why do you come back?

I don’t just want to be speaking into the void. So, let me know: are you out there?

And who are you?


6 responses to “This isn’t a post about New Year’s resolutions

  • Gabrielle Worent

    I read a blog post written by a poet who has no expectations of being widely read. She wrote that her low expectations meant she could create for the community she wanted to create for and that it could be as big or as small as she wanted. I don’t know if this is a helpful thought and, as a writer who buries the needle in ‘extrovert’, believe me when I say I understand needing someone to be on the other end. But rather than ask the question “Who is my audience?” maybe ask “Who do I want my audience to be?”

    I spoke to someone recently who had a private blog where he wrote to his kids. They’re pretty young now so the idea is a place to journal for when they’re older. I thought this was a spectacular idea and I’m not saying it’s what you should do but that you do get to choose who you write for. It’s not necessarily up to your existing audience to pick for you.

    That being said, I keep coming back because you think hard about hard things and you know when it’s time to have serious fun. Plus, you’re family and that matters a whole heap, y’know?

  • andrewevilgenius

    I’m here!

    I read your blog and follow your facebook activity because you always seem to be a voice of grace and hope even from some dark and painful places. I enjoy your insights and your posts are frequently thought-provoking. However, I primarily tune in because there is a sense of empathy here. Like if we ever got the chance to sit down and chat, you’d be someone who would understand some of the crap in my life.

    Hope that helps.

  • Vicky

    I am here because you are my friend and I love to think about what you write. I think your writing is well-worded and thought provoking. 🙂

  • H. Leon Ben-Ezra

    I read you for several reasons. First, you are my son, and I am interested in what you are up to. Second, we are similar and yet different enough so that while I can understand where you are coming from you stretch me a bit. Witness our recent conversation on Lent, etc. And you have a particular perspective on living that I want to hear about.

  • Charlie Dean

    I’m your friend. I care what you think. That’s why I’m here. And that’s why I’ll be back.

  • Where we go from here | A Dark and Quiet Room

    […] I want to thank all of you who responded to this post about my ongoing blogging. It was very encouraging to hear that my thoughts are helpful and […]

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