So, I made that commitment to write weekly. Therefore, here I am. I even have a list of topics to write on. But I don’t feel like writing about any of them. So, you get the ramble. Sorry about that. More meaningful content will return next week.
See, I just feel tired. At this point, I’m willing to blame it on winter blues. This last week gave us a bit of a thaw, and that helped my spirits a lot. Still, I feel like the soil of my soul is frozen and covered with snow.
Maybe a thaw will help there, too.
But I’m just getting this habit started. And so, while this post is kinda lame, at least there is one. I showed up and did the work.
I don’t figure that there’s any easy way out of feeling like this. But I’m pretty sure that showing up with baby steps is part of it.
This has larger implications. Today at Imago Dei Charlie taught about spiritual disciplines. It was helpful to me. Books were ordered. Sins were considered. Habits are being poked at. (Especially the discipline of gratitude, which fits into all of this somehow.)
But underlying my response was just this sense of fatigue. Because discipline is…well…it’s hard. And in my head, I want to pursue these things, but I don’t feel like I have much of anything to give.
And right here, I was about to type, “And I don’t know what to do about this.” But that’s not really true.
I’m taking the baby steps, nibbling away. I showed up for this blog post (yay me!). I’m reading stuff that isn’t work-related (just finished Battle Cry of Freedom about the Civil War and a Rand monograph on the Afghanistan counterinsurgency…because I can). And I really am taking the steps at pursuing those spiritual disciplines. I’m signing up for the retreat series that our church is offering, which is one way of getting at this. As the weather lifts, I’ll be able to get back out in the woods for my walks, which are times that I connect with God.
Bit by bit, step by step.